She’s been barking a lot it had been suggested that it might be because she can’t see.
So I styled her eyebrows – it didn’t make a difference.
It’s amazing what you’ll try when you are trying not to think.
I can almost see her smile. She keeps me calm and helps me focus when things are getting closer.
She tries to remind me life is fun and worth living.
Sometimes it’s too hard and I don’t remember – that’s when Gin takes over. But sometimes somethings are just too hard and it’s like you’re in an oubliette.
As you see Facebook filling up with pictures of people’s giant plates of food or stacks of presents.
It hurts that you can’t protect people from hurting, the unseen messages that say I wanted to be with you today – but more than that I wanted you to want to be with me. That feeling of rejection either first hand, second hand or a mixture of both. Those messages rarely sent, occasionally hinted at by a venting parent frustrated by watching their child hurt by someone’s absence – almost never sent by the person hurting, and certainly not while sober.
I watched as most of the people I wanted to be with were together, mostly harmonious. As the animals found old friends they’d not see since last year, it was bizarrely their joy and friendship that made me miss the people I wanted in my life to be with me. The people I might choose to have round me at my Christmas table, not just family but friends as well.
No one should be kept away at Christmas – it’s a time for family, even though they drive you nuts.