30th June – That smile 

I love it when they play together and just enjoy each other’s company. That genuine smile of joy, the smile that is a proper child’s smile of happiness. 

It’s rare, but is becoming more common though still just as special. 

It’s the kind of smile that makes the drive home safer. 


29th June – Brown Shirts 

When I think of things that most of them have had in common… 

The ability to make things worse, unnameable actions with no though to the potential long term impact. 

The ability to trust, turned to the ability to believe the worst and still be proved right. 

The ability to take a joyous occasion and turn it into a struggle with tears. 

The ability to screw up idea of normal interaction. 

The ability to offer support, but reject or blank any request (no matter how hard it was to ask, to share.)

Next time, if there is a next time, I need to learn to avoid them. They are too complicated and cause too much pain. 

27th June – 

Moments of geek joy. The bit where you look at something solve it and then look round confused because it was more simple than you expected. And the nice feeling of being able to explain something to someone you thought was smarter than you. 

These moments are worth savoring, that feeling of value, even if it is ” just books and cleverness” as Miss Granger once said. 

26th June – Write off

Today was a write off. 

Vertical was too hard, light was too bright, even purring was too loud, back neck and head not playing. Laying on the sofa being sick. 

Today is the day I really appreciate Network Rail, SouthWest Trains and the horrible guard at Waterloo. I’m sorry I needed to get home, but I’m more sorry that you believe that it is a better plan that I physically drag myself and my wheelchair into a train than you put on the ramp that you are standing next to. 

I’m sorry that I have to make myself ill so I can get home because you believe your company has a policy that makes no sense. Especially as there was still over five minutes before departure (buy your giant digital clock) when you finished telling me that you couldn’t help and said the immortal line “it’s more than my job’s worth.”

So thank you, I hope that it was worth it as its cost me almost 20 hours of throwing up now. Thanks.