It’s the subtle variations in answers or questions that make you question everything in your head because you can’t ask the question you want to without causing an argument.
Last time I asked why a question was asked, it was a doesn’t matter not important. Or a don’t ask you won’t want to hear the answer. Sometimes it’s not even worth the first question.
My Grandfather died when I was 2, this was ages ago. But it means that for Nana the whole of Christmas time is a kind of sad time, a time of memories.
I don’t remember him, but for as long as I can remember I’ve been told the story about how he was told he wouldn’t make it to Christmas, but he was determined. How I was trained to say merry Christmas Grandad, and how proud he was.
He died on the 29th, and so all day has been distraction and it has been Thursday all day – the 29th has not been mentioned at all. He has been gone for longer than he was with her, but that level of love and miss is kind of awesome.
When the light at the end of the tunnel is not just out, but wilfully crushed.
Easter is not so far away.
So we went to the Rutherford Appleton Laboratory and the European Space Agency. The levels of security are actually amazing.
Its the little things you notice, like satellite tracking doesn’t work, and your satnav tell you that you don’t exist; or the million and one security vans, barriers and cameras; and the fact that we all know about CERN, but we have the same here too.
Fidget behaved beautifully. And then she found bunnies, and bunnies are the most exciting thing in the world ever, including trying to wedge yourself down a rabbit hole.
And then if you go off exploring, because high level distraction is needed. There are mushrooms too, they don’t have such high security!
And so my time disappeared into the black hole that is stop frame animation of maths…
June 2012 C2 MEI
With thanks to Lego movie maker!
Sometimes the darkness creeps in, you want to help, but are helpless.
The idea of asking for help yourself alien. And so you give up, and sleep, snuggled up close to those that love you.