17th October – Impact 

I am not my best me. I am distracted and making mistakes all over the place. Lesson 1 today was about as bad as I’ve been all year. 

Struggling with stress, struggling to sleep, struggling to focus, struggling to explain, struggling with niggles, but it’s half term next week. And hopefully things will be better when we come back. They have to be better. 

I have some of the best friends, with patience and care and distraction. They make the world a better place. A place you can cope with being part of. I’m just sorry that I’m not managing to return the favour. 


10th October – I hate October

I have some of the best friends in the world. 

When I turn up at their house they can do just the right level of looking after. Enough distraction so you don’t have to think. Time to talk but not to dwell. And yummy dinner. 

Thank you, you are amazing. 

Bake off and sewing was apparently what was needed to remain a coherent human being. 

I have a finished dress with pleats and everything. 

I hate October. 

5th September – Please listen

I tried to explain. 

I tried to explain that I didn’t feel listened to. That I’d said it before. That it was important to me. 

I gave examples as to when I’d said it before. And I don’t think it was understood. All I got back was that: it wasn’t like that; it was done because…; it wasn’t done. Only I know it was, because the other person wouldn’t have known if it hadn’t happened, because I didn’t tell them. 

And then again I said no, and it happened anyway. I get that it was done to try and help. Ironic given that it’s all been about not being listened to and the fallout from reacting to people ignoring a specific request. 

I get that it may not make sense to you, but it’s something that’s really important to me. And I’ve told you this repeatedly. And that’s why I had to go. 

(Hurt and upset won.)

Sewing was the best distraction, but it wasn’t enough. It was hard, complicated and fiddly. But not anywhere near hard enough.